We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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