I must be too annoying 4 u.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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