listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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