I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
