And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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