That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
