They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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