I should be sponsored by Trojan
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
