I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
