He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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