Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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