so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
