i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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