Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
