I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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