You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
