I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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