I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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