He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
