true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
