Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
