angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
