Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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