cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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