Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
