What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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