I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I didn't notice because vodka
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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