Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is my gift to your gina
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
