Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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