Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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