I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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