drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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