She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
