Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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