There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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