Say something about gay babies.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
