Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
