just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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