I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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