I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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