That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
