he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I love you. Go after that dick
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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