Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
