Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
