Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
