nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
