Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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