Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
