At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
