Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
