Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
