he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i believe in u and ur pee
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
