I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
